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[quote=Anonymous]I have seen the gamut. I think some people become super enmeshed even when they weren't that close to the parent. Maybe suddenly they realize time is running out and want to appreciate it. Sometimes I think some people are just so afraid of someone dying. Sometimes I think there is an unhealthy enmeshment and the person ends up so lonely once mom and dad are gone. You still must have a life of your own. That's best for everyone. They need other outlets too.

I have also seen enmeshment turn to estrangement. My mom and aunt were calling grandma daily and visiting often. After enough years of emergencies and some really atrocious behavior from grandma they went the opposite direction and dropped her off at a facility and never visited again. Grandma was finally medicated well there and those of us who did visit found her pleasant because she finally had to take meds to be nice.

I have also seen people use it as a way to try to gain approval from others. "I am such a saint I moved mom in/take her on trips with me/revolve my life around her." They they get so upset when the kudos stop and they are just resentment of mom because they didn't figure out what boundaries work for them. A friend of mine expanded the house for mom and she loved the reactions she got from others. Eventually people stopped praising her and move drove her bonkers. They are moving her out next month.

I think we all have to find the balance that works for us.[/quote]

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