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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, they need to move to a CCRC. Sometimes they can even live separately and visit if the need difference becomes vast.

I have to admit the words "sharp as a tack" are like nails on chalkboard to me. People called my dad that when it was clear as day he had Azheimers, but was still sharp in areas of knowledge obtained years ago. Also things can decline quickly after a fall or surgery so "sharp as a tack" is not that meaningful except for telling you that right now at this moment maybe she is cognitively fine and that's great, but it doesn't mean she will decline very slowly or very quickly. It just means at the present time she appears fine to you. A 10 year old who is "sharp as a tack" had many decades of high functioning without head injuries, etc. A person past a certain age, especially with weight issues (some call Alzheimers type 3 diabetes) may not be sharp as a tack that long. And yes, I have a morbidly obese aunt who stayed sharp through her 90s, but it is rare.[/quote]

OP here, both my parents are dead as is my older sibling who had a developmental disability. I also watched - along with my mother and her five siblings - quickly comprehend after their dad died that my grandma/pa were effectively one unit. Her short term recall was failing but she was as strong as an ox (to clarify, she grew up on a farm, then ran a farm till her early 80s and still gardened a quarter acre for another five years) and my grandpa had all his wits but was dying from congestive heart failure. Her decline was steep after he passed. I am acutely aware that life can turn on a dime - all to say, this is not my first rodeo, but my fifth and sixth though now not blood relatives. Given that I have been through this, however, I may have some insights that DH and his siblings do not yet have.

While my MiL is candid with me from time to time, she has shared on more than one occasion that she knows I've "been through this before." I don't think she shared anything with me that she hasn't with her children - this last convo just may have hit me differently based on the experience with my parents and sibling. It's clearly an evolving situation for her.

Based on my MiL's family history, the adults live a long time, maybe with limited mobility due to the weight (no one is morbidly obese - but are carrying around 40-50 pounds more than is good for them with not great joints [again, I know morbidly obese and this is not it]), but very sharp till their last days. My FiL is taking more after his dad than his mother, who was sharp as a tack till her last three days. His dad lived a long time with dementia due to being in great physical condition. My FiL still goes to the Y a few times a week to work out.

IDK if they have the money to be in two separate rooms/units in a CCRC or at least for a long time, at least for more than 3-5 years. DH's grandparents lived in a 2BR with aides for his grandma. His grandpa never really noticed them due to his dementia. It's the reverse with my ILs. Even in a house, my MiL spends lot of time out of it from M-F.

One of the communities seems to have some homes on site. That may be an option. They sell their current place, move into one of them, then face the circumstances with FiL when it comes to that. MiL might be more amenable for him to move to memory care if she were within walking distance to see him 2-4X/day. She would also not have maintenance and possibly could take meals with other residents.

Are there folks who help game out these scenarios?[/quote]

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