Reply to When people say 'I am lucky/ privileged to be able to'

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Reply to "When people say 'I am lucky/ privileged to be able to' - does it make you feel any better?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I spoke to a fellow mom recently who told me 'I'm privileged to be able to stay at home with the kids'. While I understand why she said it and what she was getting at, it felt very odd in the moment. In fact it made me reflexively want to end the conversation as soon as possible. Does this qualifier actually make anyone feel better? Am i broken?[/quote]

I hear what comes after this - the quiet part that doesn't get said aloud. "I'm privileged to be able to stay at home with the kids, [b]so I shouldn't feel so broken all the time and unsatisfied with how life has turned out[/b]." At least that's how I felt when I was a SAHM. I felt like it was a privilege and that I was a bad person for not being grateful for the experience. [/quote]

Oh, this is relatable. I remember feeling like I always had to apologize for being a SAHM and act grateful, and that was really hard because becoming a SAHM wasn't this easy choice for me (it was partly out of necessity) and it didn't always go smoothly. I felt like I couldn't complain about something normal like my DH being unhelpful around the house because, after all, wasn't it my job to take care of the house 100% on my own since I wasn't making any money? Or like I couldn't complain about my kids being difficult or being tired because wasn't the whole point of being a SAHM to be home with your kids all day? Why would you be more tired than a working mom who is doing it all PLUS making money?

Like I carried around a metric ton of guilt and embarrassment when I was a SAHM and I could absolutely say myself saying something like that almost as an apology. Like yes, I'm aware that not everyone even has the ability to stay home with their kids, please know that I am aware of this [also I'm depressed and isolated, my DH in fact doesn't help at all with the kids nights and weekends so I feel like I have a 100+ hr/wk job, money is tight, and my oldest just started doing something I don't know how to handle and it feels like it's my fault because, after all, I'm the person he spends 100% of his waking hours with].[/quote]

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