Reply to People who still have both parents/1 parent just don't get it

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm very sorry for your loss, OP.

But I think you're being a bit too hard on people. Your parents did die prematurely, and that is so sad and difficult for you. Obviously, you'll carry those losses forever. But expecting people to not mention fun things they do with their parents, 15 years later, seems unreasonable.

I went through this with my husband after he lost his mother. I really avoided saying much about my mother for awhile (positive or negative, although honestly the negative stuff made me feel worst, like how dare I complain about my mother being annoying when his mother died) and then it started to feel like I was hiding emotional things from him, which didn't seem like the path to intimacy. So I asked him about it, and he assured me it was fine to talk about my mom, and he wanted to hear what was going on with me, even if it was that my mom was being annoying.

You say you're lonely - putting up barriers with the people you do have (like you SIL and your friends) doesn't seem like the path towards intimacy.

I think if this is still bothering you so much after all these years, where you still feel like you're struggling, and people being happy with their mother's still stings, I think you might want to consider getting some help. A grief support group? Some counseling? Obviously, grief isn't a light switch, and you'll still feel this pain, but it sounds like it's still impacting your life and your relationships on a regular basis. It might be time to take your question about how to detach and bring it to a professional.

Again, I'm sorry you had such a short time with your parents. I wish you the best. [/quote]

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