Reply to Unhappy with care at SNF - thinking of transitioning home.

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[quote=Anonymous]Have you ever given daily baths to a parent for a long period of time? You could injure yourself easily. Do you have a spouse and/or kids? Have you thought about the impact on them? I know a lot of people like to wax poetic about how it teaches them love of family, but it more often teaches them that their mental health and other needs are not a priority and everything revolves around the elder. I have known of several marriages that dissolved with the elder moving in. Also, the reward and the end was not so much a feeling you did everything for the elder, but guilt because it was too much, you burned out and now you are facing your own serious illness.

It makes more sense to keep him there and maybe hire a professional to assess, figure out what he needs and advocate. Is there more money to throw at this? You can hire an aide to go there too. How are you all doing these shifts? Do you not have families and jobs of your own?

Be realistic. Do you think he will suddenly sleep well in your home? People are quick to blame the facility, rather than just what happens as people decline.

When my father was aging in place with aides and mom, his diaper went unchanged for long periods too. What you think is sustainable for weeks, may not be sustainable for years. People can live a very long time in absolutely atrocious shape. You need to think about everyone in your family and make sure you are realistic about his needs, what you can handle, etc.[/quote]

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