Reply to Agree or disagree: having kids forces you to grow up?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it can but doesn't always.

I do think having a child creates an imposition of responsibility that is heavier than most other things you will experience as an adult. You lose a certain amount of freedom and it changes the way you make decisions in a really profound way. I think a lot of people, especially very privileged people (and there are a lot of those on this board) have never experienced that kind of obligation before. They might have had responsibilities at work, but you can always leave a job (especially if you are fairly privileged and can feel confident in getting another one, and have a financial cushion). But you can't just bail on being a parent if you don't like it. That weighs heavily on people and I think it's that transitions that feels like a step up in maturity for some people, especially people who have never really had that kind of burden of responsibility before.

I also think people who have kids young sometimes feel more mature than peers because of that responsibility. They see peers making choices that they cannot make (or would be deemed selfish for making) and they instinctually view it as immature. But it's not because their circumstances are different. What would be immature or selfish for a parent to do is neither immature nor selfish for a childless person the same age. It's hard for people to accept that.

Plus I know a lot of parents who are very immature in a whole variety of ways. I was raised by immature parents, actually. So becoming a parent is not a magic wand that suddenly grants you emotional regulation, restraint, etc. If you don't have those things before becoming a parent, you won't suddenly gain them by having kids. Best case scenario, having kids makes you realize that you need to mature and do the work to do so. But you can do that without kids too, and it's probably better if you do it before you have them.[/quote]

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