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[quote=Anonymous]I am the oldest of 3 children and have been estranged from my parents for nearly 7 years due to physical and mental abuse largely on the part of my mother. She likely has NPD and BPD but doesn't believe and therapy or meds and remains undiagnosed and a threat to many around her. One sibling live across the country and, while not fully estranged, has done everything in his power to separate himself from her. Other sibling is geographically close to my parents, but is young and wields very little power or influence.

My dad (early 70s) was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few years back and then Parkinson's about a year ago. His health has been declining for some time now and she has refused to acknowledge it or get him the help he desperately needs. Apparently he's been showing signs of Parkinson's for many years but her refusal to act led to a significant delay in diagnosis and the treatments that can come with early identification. He falls regularly and has been in and out of the hospital. Doctors have said that the Parkinson's will kill him before the cancer, which seems to be under control. In recent weeks he's become completely incontinent and is hospitalized again after a bad fall.  She only recently consented to getting him a walker and refuses to install bars/seats in the shower, provide him with adult diapers, etc. He's also experiencing significant mental decline and has bad, and sometimes, good days.

It's clear that he cannot return home at this point but she refuses to look into a long-term care facility claiming that it will bankrupt her. My dad worked hard his entire life and has investments and retirement accounts that I believe can cover the cost for a while, as it doesn't seem he's got too much time left. My mom is too caught up with herself (poor me, poor me...) to do anything and it almost feels like her unwillingness to act is abuse.

My dad is far from perfect, but deserves dignity and much better care than she can help provide. What are the options in this situation? If he make it though the current hospitalization it will be 30 days of rehab and then back home until the next 911 call. She is not physically or mentally able to handle it and I feel so powerless.

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