Reply to Would you listen to your parents if they told you not to marry someone?

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Reply to "Would you listen to your parents if they told you not to marry someone?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My mother threatened disowning if I married a man I was wild about - I’d had a number of boyfriends already and grew up witnessing her abusive dysfunctional marriage so I think I had pretty good instincts about how right this man was for me, and more importantly how right his family was as potential in-laws. I think in part my mother was deeply jealous of the bond I had made with them and that she would lose me to a happy stable married life. I was too young, too dumb and too deeply damaged by my childhood to stand up to her and I ended up losing him. Ten years later I was estranged from my mother and remained so until she died. In the ten years I jumped through hoops and became better educated than 85% of the population while following the directions she pushed me - and in the end it was suddenly agonizingly obvious that I would never be good enough. I could have won the lottery or married Jeff Bezos and she still would have seen me as unworthy of her praise or love.

I think when it comes to huge life decisions, parents (and peers, and other mentors) should tread very carefully in offering advice to people over 18 years of age. I recently read a good piece I can’t locate to share, but it was about the moral imperative to allow others their own choices and regrets. Everyone makes mistakes in life, and everyone ends up with regrets nevermind declarations to the contrary. But our regrets that we must live with should be OURS, not the poor consequences of a choice we never wanted for ourselves. It’s an age old issue especially with parents and children - but I think there is nothing more egregious a parent can do than steal their child’s life from them by refusing to allow them to make their own choices and mistakes in life. A parent should always offer feedback but also make clear that they will be loved and respected and encouraged in any life path that is legal and does not have the obvious objective to harm others. [/quote]

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