Reply to When teens are no longer interested in close grandparent relationships?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I never understand posts like this. You and your DH dislike her to the point that you don’t visit and have a close relationship yourselves. You send the kids alone, even though they don’t like it and you don’t trust her. Why are you doing that? You’d rather make someone you don’t like and don’t want to be around happy than your own children. I’ll never understand. It would be different if you value family time and you and DH were spending the same amount of time with her, but you’re just dumping it all on your kids because they can’t say no, or it doesn’t matter to you if they say no. Kids should be heard. You’re not teaching them to value family members who love them, you’re teaching them that kids don’t have autonomy and that they have to put up with loads of crap from elders out of a misguided sense of respect. [/quote]

I actually agree with this. A lot on here in past posts feel that even if their parents were awful they should try to create a bond with the grandkids. I get it. It's a healing fantasy-hoping somehow kids will help create and better and more loving extended family. It doesn't work. Maybe when they are extra cute babies there is the illusion of a functional family, but doesn't last.

She is mean to your teens and they don't want to see her. Support that in the same way you support them distancing from a friend turned frenemy or a poor choice in dating partner. Just because she is family doesn't make it OK. Support them in distancing. If she is really bad, no need for the forced family holiday either.[/quote]
It would be one thing if the kids enjoyed spending time with her and you/DH didn't.  It's okay for kids to have their own relationships with grandparents.  But here, she's not nice to the kids, they don't enjoy spending time with her, and neither do you or your husband.  What's the point in forcing this?  Just say that it won't work for you.  [/quote]

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