Reply to Advice needed---- elderly parents, one with dementia...baby of the family, siblings issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is your mom able to be safely home alone while your dad manages his own appointments, activities, etc.? Your dad is 86 and it’s wonderful that he’s in such good health but ultimately, he could have a health crisis that will make it difficult or impossible for him to continue to manage her care at home - so even if the plan is to age in place, I think it’s wise to at least investigate facilities in your area, and learn about their availability and what would be involved in securing a spot.

Also - are you sure there has been zero decline over the last seven years? Is it possible your dad has been in denial, or covering for her? How dependent is your mom? In what ways does she need assistance?

I disagree that memory care facilities are a prison. That kind of thinking keeps people mired in guilt and trapped in unsustainable situations. If your dad’s health begins to suffer, or they are one health ailment away from a crisis, or your mom begins to wander, etc. - then memory care is a viable option, and there are a lot of nice facilities (although you don’t mention their financial situation).

Somebody needs to be appointed financial POA/health care surrogate, in case your parents become unable to make health care decisions for themselves. But again, if something were to happen to your dad, what is the back-up plan? All of that needs to be considered.[/quote]

+1,000,000 This is all well said. Please be proactive. In my family my siblings just considered me the back up plan and refused to discuss proactive measures. When the Sh$t hit the fan, I had my own family crises and it never occurred them them I might not be available for every single emergency.

Also, I have never heard of someone with dementia going years without decline. What exactly is your mom's current level of functioning?[/quote]

I'm not the OP, but I was in the same position as OP's older siblings just a few short months ago.

I will guarantee you that OP and her dad are in denial about the mom's condition.  The sister who is suggesting memory care can see that it's necessary because she is looking at it from the outside.    It will take a crisis for OP and her Dad to realize/ acknowledge just how bad things have become.[/quote]

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