Reply to Advice needed---- elderly parents, one with dementia...baby of the family, siblings issues

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Reply to "Advice needed---- elderly parents, one with dementia...baby of the family, siblings issues"

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP - It would be good to know if your Dad, while he is fully competent has made legal decisions which will spell out who will be POA and Health Care Power for your mom and for him.  Rules change and so has he had his will and any trust situation updated recognizing the fact that assets might well need to be protected, especially as it is likely that your mom night need memory or skilled nursing at some point well before his care needs might kick in.  Equally important is to see if your dad has made appropriate financial decisions and do all three siblings understand his basis wishes.

For the here and now, I would encourage your dad to work with an agency unless he has private contacts to find a suitable companion for your mom a couple of days a week so that he can pursue interests of his own - playing golf, seeing buddies regularly for coffee or lunch, joinging a service group, joining a community center with swimming or fitness options, joining a senior center with programming he enjoys.   My parents made it to 96 and 99 with my dad the latter having full faculties and driving very locally till 97.  They moved into Indepedennt Living in a CCRC with AL and in time Memory Care was added in early 90s when my Mom's dementia and physical condition warranted a one-floor home.  They had the funds to do so, and I do credit my dad with appropriate planning including turning over financial investments to a group at a certain point in time.  There was a period where both were able to be served in the CCRC.  [b]One issue that I would make sure the administrative staff at the CCRC knew clearly knows a family's decision on is that if the spouses are living in separate units, that a family member should be informed first of the sudden death of one first AND not just the remaining spouse.  My mom had a sudden heart attack and the staff went to call my dad (who by then was around 95) when they knew brothers lived within 10 minutes.  Due to him not hearing the phone, a staff person went to tell him in person.  But still a better way could be decided upon in advance.[/b]

OP the final thing to remember is that health status of either could change very quickly so it is also advisable for you and your siblings who might be interested to do some local research on services in your area and share them with your dad to even get his general opinion. Some programs may have waiting lists that one might consider getting on as a backup option.   As things trend down with your mom, one might also talk to area agencies ahead of time and research their reputations and costs structures for care.  If you know you could benefit from some professional support, it would be a very wise step for your own health to get it in place.  Also, do not feel that what happens with your parents needs to be solely on you.[/quote]

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