Reply to Advice needed---- elderly parents, one with dementia...baby of the family, siblings issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Memory ward is like a prison. Don’t put your mom there unless it’s becoming impossible to keep her at home [/quote]

Thank you for that , my thoughts exactly, and my father's thoughts as well.  I think my sister is thinking of my Dad, and wanting things to be easier for him since he's in such great health, mind, and spirit currently (which I can understand) but I cannot see my father doing that to my Mom while they are maintaining well in the house they have lived in for 50 years.  Ya know? [/quote]

My mom refused memory care for dad because she had a very antiquated idea of what it was like. She became so burned out she became abusive toward him and her own cognitive, mental and physical health declined. We finally got him into Memory care when she was hospitalized and he adjusted better than anyone could have expected and seemed to age backwards for a while. He has since passed, but I can honestly say he was happier and safer there. Visit Memory Cares and keep an open mind. Two of my friends had similar experiences with their parents. [/quote]

I forgot to add that mom got to this level of burnout despite him going to a day program and having hired caregivers at home when he was not at the day program. So she had plenty of time where she could do her own thing. She missed the privacy in her own home and could not accept how much he had changed. He could sense she didn't like any of this and it was not good for him either.[/quote]

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