Reply to Advice needed---- elderly parents, one with dementia...baby of the family, siblings issues

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[quote=Anonymous]There is so much knowledge on here to glean I'm sure but here are the facts of the matter:

Highly functioning father *86yo* primary care giver of my mother *86yo* dementia ... which seems stable and not functioning downward hardly at all over last 5 years, diagnosed 7 years ago.

I have two older siblings.  Sister advocates my Mom be put in Memory Care. Occasionally comes to visit my parents, two times a month.  Brother does not seem interested in helping , maintains cordial but distant relationship with parents.  Sees them once a year, lives 2 hours away married but no kids.  I have fraught relationship with both siblings.

I am baby of the family by 10 years.  Lives in same area as parents , see them almost daily.

Obviously my relationship with my parents, and the experience I had growing up differed greatly to that of my two older siblings ... who likely see me as "spoiled " and perhaps with more of a codependent relationship with my parents , so whether fair or not, my older siblings have sort of said in so many words "they are your problem".    (I have inferred this attitude because of their growing distance to my parents as well as to me over the last 10 years or so.)

Questions off the top of my head:

1. Do I try to do what's best for my parents regardless of what kind of role my siblings should have at this stage ?
2.  How do I help my parents when I don't have my own shit together to the degree I should have at this stage in life ????   (Besides getting there as quick as I can.)
3.  And I don't want this to be all about me, but how can I be there for my parents and be the best advocate I can be for them when my own position within my nuclear family, and just life at large, is the weakest link?

Okay so maybe I need a psychiatrist more than anything lol.  Thanks for reading. And thank you thank you for anything you can think of.   I know I will probably get a lot of "tough love" and "grow the f up" type comments but I do understand it's not a good predicament I am in and I am plenty hard on myself and feel real shitty as is because I should be more or a responsible adult than I actually am.   Thank you thank you for any hints or heuristics you may have for someone at this juncture.  🙏

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