Reply to What is most helpful to say to someone with a serious medical diagnosis?

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[quote=Anonymous]   I have my own serious medical diagnosis and well meaning people will say "Oh I know someone with (fill in blank with serious illness) who is doing really great" (even though prognosis is not good.) Anyone with a serious diagnosis reads all about it and we know there are miracle cases and people who defy the odds and we read about every treatment option. We already know there are people who somehow defy the odds, but we also have to be realistic.

I realize I am guilty of this knee jerk reaction too in the past. I think in our own anxiety we want to make the person feel better and also soothe our worry. Now that I am on the other side I can recognize the caring behind the statement, but at the same time it feels like the person is minimizing things. I was trying to think of what I have found helpful in part so I don't ever make someone else feel diminished. I think it's maybe helpful to say "I am sorry to hear that. How are you doing with all this?" What have others found helpful? Do others find it frustrating when well meaning people are quick to say something as drastic as "Oh yeah, I knew someone with stage 4 cancer who is still alive and well and running marathons 40 years later!" (I don't have stage 4 cancer, but one person in a support group I am in got this statement and it stuck with me because she was crying saying how she felt she was being gaslit for struggling with her diagnosis.)[/quote]

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