Reply to Have you experienced this sibling dynamic? If so, how did you handle?

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure if I can convey a tone accurately here the way I want, but I'm going to try. I'd like to suggest (gently, kindly, in a way that acknowledges your undoubtedly good intentions) that you seem pretty overly-invested/involved in this scenario.

The set of dynamics you're describing from what you know of this friend's family are complicated, deep, long-standing, and the kind of thing we all struggle to navigate in our families. Complicated sibling dynamics, aging parents, a history of challenges with depression, financial stress, etc... - that's a lot. That is an awful lot. And none of that is yours in this scenario. That is what's on the plate of your friend.

You probably know from your volunteer work and training that you can't fix these kinds of things for someone else. It's hard enough to deal w/ one's own struggles like this, but if you are trying to figure out how to solve someone else's you're already behind the 8 ball.

And with a history of this friend turning to you for some sort of guidance or leadership, it's playing into your kind instincts and what I bet is a generally very nurturing nature.

I would argue that boundaries are really important for you, and in the long run, those same boundaries will be good for your friend.

You can listen, you can empathize, you can offer your advice if it is sought and if you wish to, but I really think you need to pull back from your current level of engagement. I think you feel stuck because you're outside your lane (to use management speak).

You're just a friend. That's it. Stay in that limited capacity. Your friend has to find her way through this herself, and with her family (or not) - you're just truly outside those circles - appropriately. So let that allow you to step back.

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