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[quote=Anonymous]TY for all the people who've responded to date. I appreciate all these insights.  It was already verging on a TL:DR post, so ended up cutting some points that may have provided more depth to my OP.

FWIW, I've done a fair amount of training in empathetic listening for various volunteer roles, so I would never say "it is what it is" - that's simply the conclusion I've drawn from reading this forum. Siblings/cousins/etc have varying perspectives on their responsibilities in these life phases. Some will come together and figure it out together. Some are willing to take direction from a sibling who may be predisposed to organize. Some put their phones on "do not disturb." One of the posters aptly summed up that "she needs to accept things as they are and not try to control others...you work with the situation you have."

That's why I wrote the post and indicated I was feeling a little stuck here in my role - my friend and I started out as colleagues where I hired her as an associate in our department and sometimes - not always - but sometimes I feel she still looks for my insights, even though we haven't worked together in boss-staff roles for nearly 30 years. At the same time, she is wrestling with some depression and despair in her life as things haven't worked out for her, especially personally, as she would have hoped. She is probably more professionally successful than her siblings, yet I think there is some envy also as they have families and she does not. I think her frustration is a mix of these emotions - fear and frustration that she may be on her own in supporting the parents combined with accruing resentment about her current status as a single, childless woman.

I'm just fretting that she is going to be so focused on her perspective on what is the right way here that she may push these fraying relationships into an irreparable place. Generally I know when to move from empathetic listening to sharing a perspective based on my experiences and can see how that has been helpful with some friends, including this one.

But right now everything feels so fraught, so I guess the best course of action is to listen and hope for the best. I would just hate for her to cut off both sisters right at the time that a united front may be more helpful for her mom and, possibly, for my friend over the long term.

Thanks again for suggestions here and welcome more.[/quote]

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