Reply to Help my lying and stealing SN eight year old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

But if it's developmentally typical at this age why aren't most kids his age doing it? And if it's developmentally typical why the need for meds then?

We've done everything, time outs, time in, chores, talking, positive reinforcement, withdrawal of privileges...nothing works. He's on meds and now on the highest dosage possible.

And he lies with such ease it's frightening.

Otherwise he is a very gentle and polite child...very non-aggressive.
And he lies with such ease it frightens me.[/quote]

I think it's time to let this go for a while.

Here's my perspective.  I lied a lot as a child around your child's age.  Around age 7-12.  I lied because I had no friends, because I was without any self-esteem, and because it was easier to lie than to tell the truth.  Also, my parents made it very hard to tell the truth.  It was easier to continue to lie than to face my punishments, my constant consequences, my "talks" about lying, etc.

I think sometimes parents make a lot out of a little and it actually leads to a spiral of deepening misbehavior.  I don't know if that's what's happening here, but if your child is caught constantly in lies and constantly punished, there may not be any incentive for him to act better.  He's so deeply into having a bad reputation he can't see his way out.

Can you try, when you catch him in a bad lie, just saying "That was a lie, wasn't it?" and then letting it go.  Otherwise, ignore the small fibs.  If he's non aggressive, gentle and polite, I think a lot of this is self esteem and fantasy.

That's my advice.[/quote]

I strongly disagree.  OP's DC is behaving in increasingly anti-social ways and as he gets older it will become increasingly difficult to alter his behavior.  I think its pretty obvious that OP has tried pointing out his lies and its also clear that his behavior is outside the norm.  He isn't just lying, he is also stealing and clearly has a very tough time with impulse control.  This is not typical behavior.  And the fact that he can be polite and non-aggressive does not alter it.

I think OP should see a developmental pediatrician.  The fact is that if a doctor addresses an issue and the problem continues, the doctor needs to try something else.  The help OP has been getting in inadequate, but I truly believe help is out there.  Many of us with SN kids had to go through the awful process of seeing clinician after clinician (and being told by well-meaning people that the behavior was typical and we were over reacting) until we found one who got the problem and proposed effective solutions.  I'm sorry this is so difficult for you but I really believe that with the right help, it can get better.[/quote]

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