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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

But if it's developmentally typical at this age why aren't most kids his age doing it? And if it's developmentally typical why the need for meds then?

We've done everything, time outs, time in, chores, talking, positive reinforcement, withdrawal of privileges...nothing works. He's on meds and now on the highest dosage possible.

And he lies with such ease it's frightening.

Otherwise he is a very gentle and polite child...very non-aggressive.
And he lies with such ease it frightens me.[/quote]

I think it's time to let this go for a while.

Here's my perspective.  I lied a lot as a child around your child's age.  Around age 7-12.  I lied because I had no friends, because I was without any self-esteem, and because it was easier to lie than to tell the truth.  Also, my parents made it very hard to tell the truth.  It was easier to continue to lie than to face my punishments, my constant consequences, my "talks" about lying, etc.

I think sometimes parents make a lot out of a little and it actually leads to a spiral of deepening misbehavior.  I don't know if that's what's happening here, but if your child is caught constantly in lies and constantly punished, there may not be any incentive for him to act better.  He's so deeply into having a bad reputation he can't see his way out.

Can you try, when you catch him in a bad lie, just saying "That was a lie, wasn't it?" and then letting it go.  Otherwise, ignore the small fibs.  If he's non aggressive, gentle and polite, I think a lot of this is self esteem and fantasy.

That's my advice.[/quote]

I agree with this advice. I think your anxiety (understandable) is worstening the cycle. I have a very difficult kiddo who did something similar and a typical nephew who did the same from 7-10 or so. I was also very worried. I think it's a way for him to have some power and control, most important to kids with SN who feel out of control inside. Stanley Greenspan wrote a lot about this. It's almost the end of the year. I'd let the school deal with anything that happens there. I'd make a conscious decision that you are only going to make positive statments and let everything else go until August. We also read things like Pinocchio and made a family joke of touching our nose and leaving the rest unsaid. Try to find things that can build his sense of competence and self, martial arts, working with animals, whatever is "his" thing. He is lying as a defense mechanism, it is really common with ADD. Try not to project or worry about the future, just work on calming things down, phrasing things so lying doesn't happen (maybe make statements and observations rather than ask questions) and work on having the best relationship and getting inside the head of your boy. Far easier said than done, I know. I love the journaling suggestion and had one that DC and I passed back and forth, it was helpful. I'd also recommend "The Difficult Child" and "Love and Anger". Also, make sure you and your spouse get out regularly and do whatever you can re: self care to make you as happy and relaxed as possible, I didn't and it tends to make small problems get big. Best to you and your little guy.
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