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[quote=Anonymous]Oh my God, I feel like I have found my tribe.  You all sound so much like me.  I have often wondered if my mother had something like chronic low-grade depression her entire life.  She is basically a weak and passive woman with no interests of her own and she has let my father treat her like a slave for over fifty years.  He was a mean drunk who screamed all the time and threatened us, and she would say things like "He's going to kill me some day" but never actually stood up to him, including defending us.  It was like living in a madhouse!

To this day, I feel like I have to earn my place in the world, winning awards and never resting, since I don't view myself as objectively having a right to exist.  I don't know how to relax.  I have no internal self-esteem.  I feel guilty if I am happy.  I am also working through my trauma with a therapist and trying to reprogram all of my negative self-talk.  Realized lately that I spent my life trying to meet my parents impossible standards,but I never set any standards or expectations for anyone else.  My kids are grown but I basically let them and my husband walk all over me because I didn't htink I had any right to demand anything of anyone.  weird to be realizing this now, so late in life. [/quote]

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