Reply to Breaking up because there is a lack of physical attraction/chemistry

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If this happens frequently it may be a "you" issue.  Once or twice you can get by with the infatuation and honeymoon stage being over. But it happens with multiple relationships you have to wonder if you're self sabotaging or if you have an issue that you don't realize. [/quote]

I will fully admit it's a "me" problem. One thought I've had is that maybe the "best I can do" isn't someone who is going to be physically attractive to me in the long run. When you combine the fact that most people put their best foot forward and are in their "peak" attractiveness and sexual openness early in the relationship, someone who starts dating you could meet your basic attraction needs, but over time no longer do so. The part that I honestly think makes me weird is that most of my friends tell me the deep connection and compatibility "makes up for" the declines in physical attraction that will occur. In fact, some tell me their physical attraction is influenced by their mental/emotional bonding. I've literally never had that happen, and I'm not attachment avoidant at all! I bond with these people and I love them in the sense that I would sacrifice for them and care deeply about their well-being, but purely on a physical arousal level, it just isn't there after they get comfortable.[/quote]
I think it's somewhat normal to not have that same physical attraction level after many years.

I'll tell you that after being married for 20 years, the physical part of the relationship isn't as important.  I'd rather be with someone who loves me and is kind but the physical attraction isn't that high, than with someone whom I am physically attracted to but is not as good to me.

I was with a few guys whom I was very attracted to physically, but they did not treat me as well as my DH.  Long term, being compatible and treating each other well are more important than the physical attractiveness.[/quote]

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