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[quote=Anonymous]Parents live thousands of miles away in another country. Dad is 67, mom is 69. There's been a massive decline in my dad's mental and physical health since covid. He was previously very fit (ex-military) and kept himself busy, but now he's totally reclusive. He has a heap of undiagnosed issues and spends his time obsessing about them. Despite clear mental health issues and a long history of family and professional trauma, he refuses to accept psychiatric help.

Mom works full-time on minimum wage as she can't afford to retire and dad has never shared finances with her. She's generally a pretty upbeat person but she's sounding increasingly stressed. Dad is a difficult person and she spends a lot of time trying to manage his anxiety. I'm an only child and parents aren't in contact with their siblings, so I don't have anyone in my home country to provide any support or perspective. I have a baby and a toddler and a job, and at best I can only get home to visit every other year - it's a 27hr multi-stop plane journey and incredibly expensive.

I feel so helpless when I think about the situation. And I feel like I'm shirking responsibility by telling myself that I should just focus on my own children and husband, and let my parents own their choices. But then I'm so fortunate to have had a happy and comfortable upbringing. My parents didn't get the same opportunities, particularly my dad who had a rough and short childhood. I call infrequently due to the time differences but I send plenty of messages and photos. And flowers and gifts for special occasions. But that's the extent of what I do for my parents.

Can / should I be doing more? What else can I do from a distance?[/quote]

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