Reply to Making a shortlist of potential spouses I would approve for my child

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't do this because I always want to stay open to the many possible futures for my kid, and they may or may not involve marriage or kids. I think what you're doing seems harmless now because you are just imagining, but if all you ever do is imagine your DDs future in terms of a future husband, I do think ultimately that could be limiting. And could make it harder for you to accept if your child's life takes them in a direction that doesn't lead straight to that kind of marriage/life, and it could also result in subliminal pressure on her even if you think you are being careful not to impose explicit pressure.

Do you ever contemplate what kind of woman she would marry?

Do you ever contemplate that she might postpone marriage until after she finishes her PhD?

Do you ever contemplate that she might not marry at all, and the things she might do instead that could still be worthwhile and fulfilling for her?

It just sounds like you have already decided your child, who isn't even a year old, is on a path much like the one you have already travelled, and I do think that's a little dicey of an outlook. Maybe I'm wrong and as your child gets older, you will naturally broaden your expectations for her as you see what kind of person she is. But are you prepared to find out what kind of person she is independent of the vision you have for her? If she has different desires or priorities, will you be able to recognize that or will your own desires and priorities for her get in the way?[/quote]

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