Reply to Annoyed with a friend and need to take a step back-tell her or just do it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is the pattern? Like constant texting back and forth or are you meeting in person a lot?

If it's a texting thing, mute your text conversation with her so that you only see it when you check your phone -- no alerts. Then respond when you want, even if hours or days later. You can say "sorry, just seeing this now! trying to stay off my phone during the day." It's not a lie, it's just not as specific as the whole truth (that you are trying to stay off the phone with her). I do this with a number of people/groups I text with because they like to text back and forth constantly and I find it too distracting most of the time. If I happen to have some spare time, I'll do a back and forth with someone on text, but during working hours or when I'm with my family, I mostly avoid texting.

If you are getting sucked into meeting up in person, you need to be firmer about your "no". How does she override it, exactly? Or is it that she's inviting you to things that sound enticing but then you go and remember you need a break from her. Either way, this is about you, not her. Just say no! Decide on the frequency that you want to see her and then YOU invite HER. Tell her your schedule is making one off meetups hard, can we schedule drinks every 6 weeks or so for a catchup? Whatever works for you. Assert yourself and see how she responds. It sounds like you are letting her set the agenda for your friendship and then getting annoyed when it doesn't' meet your need.

Boundaries are something you set [I]for yourself[/I]. You aren't holding your own boundaries. She's going to do whatever she's going to do, you need to learn to set limits for yourself. She's not holding you hostage.[/quote]

Op here. She lives far away now. We communicate using video and voice memos on things like Marco Polo or voice memos on iPhone. The thing is, I LOVE this method of communicating because I have small children and usually do not have both hands and eyes free, but I CAN listen to a message or talk to her asynchronously while I make dinner or do laundry, etc. We leave messages like this for each other daily.

I’m 100% responsible for continuing to engage-I’m not trying to imply that’s her fault. I’ve just found myself realizing how much this friendship doesn’t work for me, and I resolve to step back, then she sends me a bunch of messages over several days and I end up struggling to resist the urge to listen/respond. Part of the problem is this method of communication is so great for me but none of my other friends will do it!

I think muting the conversation and telling her that I’m trying to spend less time on my phone should do the trick if I hold firm for a couple of weeks.

The things that annoy me about her are not that she keeps engaging/communicating with me (I haven’t asked her to stop), it’s just an overall feeling of her being a taker/user. We also, I’m realizing, have very different world views to the point where it feels like we exist on different planes of reality and I’m looking for friendships where I feel connected. I’m realizing I just kinda don’t relate to her anymore.[/quote]

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