Reply to Elderly parents won't move closer

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Elderly parents won't move closer"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My parents are both 80.  20 years ago they left our hometown and retired to a completely random town 3000 miles away, where they knew no one and had no connections.  Since they've been there the last 20 years they have not made any friends, have no local family, don't work/volunteer, and have no hobbies or interests other than TV.  They mainly sit on their deck and watch TV.  Granted they live in a beautiful area with mountains but they live in a tiny town that is 30 minutes from the nearest grocery store. They no longer travel, don't do day trips, and don't really enjoy the area other than what they can see from their deck. They often complain that there's "nothing to do here."  They also don't leave their house anymore due to Covid.

In the last 20 years we have seen them about once a year but during the pandemic we didn't see them for 3 years. They aren't too interested in traveling to us anymore (6 hour plane ride) and it's difficult to travel to them with young kids (our kids are in elementary school).

I feel resentful that I have asked them many times over the years to move closer, since they have no reason for being out that far, and they always refuse saying "they like it out here."  Fortunately they are both in perfect health, take no medications, and have never had a health issue, and there are no issues with finances keeping them from traveling or moving.  However, now that they're 80 I do worry a lot about potential problems down the road and there is no way I can drop everything and fly out there if they have a health issue unless it's a significant one, because I'd have to take all the kids out of school and bring them with me each time (we have no local family and my husband cannot take off work last minute for things like that).  The kids are 5th grade, 2nd grade and Kindergarten.

I also feel resentful that they have missed the kids' entire childhoods by only wanting to see us once a year.  They're not engaged grandparents and they enjoy their weekly Zoom calls with the kids but that's the extent of the relationship.  The kids are much closer to our in-laws who they see 3 times per year, and it makes me sad that they will never get to know my side of the family at all really, since my extended family lives all over and we rarely see them either.  Unfortunately we have never done holidays with my family due to the distance and so they don't have many fond memories of getting together with my family.  My parents also have not wanted to vacation with us.

How can I come to an acceptance of the fact that my parents chose to live in this random town thousands of miles away, that requires a 6 hour plane ride and then a 2 hour car ride, where they have no connections/family over living closer and being a part of our family and being more involved in their grandkids' lives?  Also we don't like visiting there more often than we do because there is nothing for the kids to do there.  Their house has no toys, no yard, no pool, and there is nothing for a 30 minute drive other than the grocery store so the kids are on their ipads the entire week when they're there since my parents don't want to leave the house but still want to be with them.  These are their only grandkids and I have one brother who lives nowhere near me but also very far from them.

I have struggled to let go of the disappointment that my family is not interested in being close or involved.  Any suggestions for accepting and trying to move forward?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics