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[quote=Anonymous]My friend was miserable the last five years of her marriage and blamed that on her husband. She divorced him two years ago, complaining about how she had to handle all the domestic stuff, the emotional work, being default parent, etc. You never know what’s happening in someone’s marriage but I never saw that — her DH seemed to be pretty involved, engaged and attentive with kids, rearranged his job roles to get better work-life balance, etc. But when friend would complain, I would always listen and try to be supportive of her feelings.

She initiated separation two years ago and they have been divorced now about 10 months and she is more miserable than ever. But one thing she continues to obsess about is that her ex didn’t fall flat on his face. He has a small townhouse with rooms for their kids (so does she), has them 50% of the time. The school calls *him* first if there is an issue, at the kids’ insistence. Their 14 yo DD apparently has asked to live full-time with her dad (which triggered a new round of upset from her this past weekend, understandably so). I don’t interact with him much but I have been inside his house — it’s tastefully decorated, albeit very much a man’s house (no sign there’s another woman in his life, at least not one with influence on home decorating). He looks fit, while my friend is just a mess.

It’s weird, like she thought this whole experience would show him that he couldn’t live without her and he obviously can and now she is disappointed by that. It’s like she is surprised to discover he is actually a competent adult. I don’t really know what to tell her except she needs to focus on her own life now and gently suggest she discuss the roots of her unhappiness with a therapist. Anyone else BTDT?[/quote]

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