Reply to Feeling hurt when other people fall apart over their elderly ailing parents while mine died young

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[quote=Anonymous]I am 54 years old.

My mom died of cancer only 7 months after diagnosis in 1999. 
She was only 51 (she died in the spring and didn't live to celebrate her 52nd birthday in the fall).

My dad died in 2008, aged only 64, after 3 years of illness with advanced diabetes, foot and leg ulcers, gangrene, osteomyelitis, a series of mini strokes (TIAs), and eventually a bacterial infection which turned into sepsis, which killed him.

I have no siblings so I had no immediate, close blood relatives to share my grief and my memories with. Yes, aunts and uncles but it's not the same.

Is it normal to feel annoyed and sad when other people are falling apart over their very elderly parents' or relatives' poor health, or when they've died?
My DH and his siblings are like this with MIL, who is 93 and has dementia. She lives in her own house and she receives a lot of support from her adult children and from private caregivers.

MIL is now 40+ years older than my mom was when she died. I didn't get to spend all these extra years with mom (and dad). We never got to celebrate all the milestones in our lives and theirs after they passed at 51 and 54. 
It feels so unfair.

Is it normal to feel this way? I feel I am still struggling with the loss of my parents. It feels like a chapter in my life that was never finished, or like a book that is only half written ...

I've tried to explain how I feel to my husband. He acknowledges my feelings and he says he understands, but does he?
He still has a mom.[/quote]

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