Reply to If you wanted more than 1 child but ended up one and done

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Reply to "If you wanted more than 1 child but ended up one and done - what helped you to get over it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not quite the same, but [b]I *originally* wanted two (or zero -- never an only)[/b]. Then I had one, who was a super easy baby, and it was still way too hard for me personally and I grieved my old life so much. So I stopped at one, and I had to come to terms with that choice. it took about a year and a half to feel at peace with it and now, 3 years out, I am delighted and I have to stop myself from feeling smug about what a great life choice I made. [/quote]

Can you elaborate on this thinking? I hear it often and I've never understood it. Why 0 or 2, but never 1?

OP, time and focusing on the positives really make the difference. The whole "my family isn't complete" thing is an illusion. Almost none of us get the exact life we envision for ourselves. You could have your perfect sized family, then lose your spouse or a child. You could get divorced. Have chronic illness or addiction issues. Life is never perfect, and it's up to you to find the joy and benefits in the life you do have. By the time your child becomes elementary aged, it will become pretty clear how much simpler and peaceful your life is. That's something to embrace even if you would have welcomed the chaos. If it's been 5+ years and you're still actively grieving, then that's a sign that you are struggling in other areas of your mental health and still have work to do. The thing is, even if you had two kids, you still would have had those struggles and would have expressed them in other ways. It's very natural to grieve and process, but if it's been a few years and you can't let it go, then that's a sign.

Plus my child loves being an only child. Read about adult only children who loved their childhoods, it's heartening and gives you a parenting goal to work towards![/quote]

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