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[quote=Anonymous]I have a DS with ADHD on medication for that and mood.  Same issues as most ADHD kids - did not turn in work in HS, terrible grades in some classes, but very bright and able to learn stuff he is interested in.

I made it clear that we would support college for him, if he graduated HS and was accepted anywhere. I made it clear that his options for college would be entirely a function of his grades, test scores and extra-curriculars, and the decision where to go would be entirely his. We gave him the support of a private college counselor for staying on track with college applications.

At the end of the day, he got into several good college options despite not stellar grades.  He is doing well at college. He found something he is very interested in and has a good plan that will make him very employable upon graduation. He navigated college disability services for accommodations. Now that he has far more choice about what to take, when to take it and how to manage his work, school is a LOT easier to manage.

In HS, I was really doubtful he would make this transition, but to my surprise and happiness, he has.

I know some other PPs have had a different approach - by saying DC has to demonstrate certain behaviors before getting the privilege of college - I can understand that.  But, we took a different approach - “we will pay for whatever you can get into and will continue to pay as long as you are on track to graduate”, mostly because at the end of the day I wanted DC’s failure to get to and stay in college to be his and his alone.  I never wanted him to look back and complain that we wouldn’t let him do something and blame us for his failure.

I know that we have tremendous privilege to be able to say “we will pay”, so I recognize that is not for everyone.  But, I wanted to share because I think it is very typical for ADHD kids to surprise you if they can just get to any college.

I also think that as a parent I wanted to normalize trying for something you weren’t sure you could achieve. Maybe he wouldn’t have been ready and have dropped or failed out, but I don’t see that as an irreparable mistake - so you learned something and take a few years to work or go to community college and maybe try again later.

I’m not criticizing other’s approaches - there are many ways for kids (both neuro-typical and neuro-divergent) to navigate post-HS and I am a big supporter of normalizing all choices - no one approach is “success” or “failure”. [/quote]

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