Reply to Sometimes/ most of the time- I really hate being a caregiver

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[quote=Anonymous]I think this is probably the right forum to post this- We ended up moving a disabled relative into our home about a year ago.  at the time we thought they had 6mos- 2 years to live.  I expected the next couple of months/ year to be really hard- with steady decline etc.   Well... living with us the relative's health has improved significantly- really primarily due to the care we are able to give.  So now this situation could last indefinitely.  But they are still basically totally disabled and unable to care for themselves (e.g. success is bathing and dressing themselves, all cooking, cleaning, etc we provide)- I spend all my 'free' time picking up prescriptions, running up and down the stairs, bringing meals to their room, doing an excessive amount of laundry, hauling an excessive amount of trash, etc.  If we want to go away for a vacation, we have to find someone to come stay in our house and care for the relative.  I have multiple busy children, a full time job that i enjoy (and need financially), and some volunteer work that is really important to me and I enjoy doing very much.   Oh-disabled family member is also impoverished- so there is no money to hire extra help.  
I do have good friends, they vaguely know that this is a tough situation- but they don't generally no 'how' tough it is.  Disabled relative has also become somewhat narcissistic- I think b/c they are used to having things 'revolve around them,' and so tend to think of their own wants/ needs well before what might work for the rest of the family- which is just really frustrating and grating.  
I am reaching a breaking point- and don't know what to do- I could cut out my volunteer work- but I really don't want to- I do find it fulfilling, and it actually wouldn't help a ton b/c generally I have my kids with me when I am volunteering, and so I would still need to be caring for them.   I could require the kids to do less activities- this is probably the solution SO would prefer- but I hate to do this to the kids, they already have to sacrifice a lot b/c we have disabled relative with us.   I guess I'm just venting- I was mentally prepared for this situation to last a year or two- now I think it could last a decade.
      The excessive trash is probably a good example of the problem- disabled relative is house bound, so loves to order things that come with an excessive amount of packaging.  We live in a community that tries to get people to change their trash behavior by limiting the amount of trash that can be put out for pickup, and if we have excess trash we are required to go purchase 'extra trash' tags, bag it separately, and put it out tagged.  Well, we have excessive trash every week b/c of the insane amount of packaging etc that family member accrues- and their inability to successfully separate the recycling.  So- basically I have to either add another errand of buying bag tags, and paying for the excessive trash fee- or sort through their trash and attempt to separate it- which is a particularly gross activity b/c relative has a medical condition that makes some of their trash particularly disgusting.  I actually agree with the 'excess trash fee' as a way to try and get people to change their habits- but despite repeated pleas- disabled relative is not going to change their ways- and it comes down on me.  
    I'm just whining- I should probably just delete this.[/quote]

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