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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would hire some help for now if your aunt can still handle things.  Most facilities are bad and he'd end up in a memory care unit and they aren't great.  It would also be very expensive.[/quote]

My aunt would want that, but my cousin would go apoplectic.  He does not consider letting them remain in the location they are to be an option at all.  I really thought we had found a good solution when we found the assisted living place near my other cousin, as it would allow my aunt and uncle to be together, which is important to both of them, but they'd still be near family, and not near him.  And it's much less expensive than what it would cost in the NY metro area for the same level of services. [/quote]

Why are you involved, OP?[/quote]

It's hard to explain in a way that DCUM will understand.  My mother died when I was a teenager, so my aunt is like a second mom to me and my sister.  My aunt and uncle were very into an extreme type of christianity when my cousins were young and so my cousins do not have a good view of their childhood as a result, and are not especially close to or helpful with their parents.  When my aunt was struggling to care for my uncle this past year, my cousins did not really offer much help and my aunt was simply overwhelmed.  My sister helped out by ordering food for them so they would at least eat.  My uncle went into the hospital for a UTI then rehab right around Christmas.   While he was still in there, the rest of us met for a post-holiday gathering. My aunt took a car service out for an overnight visit.  She developed a stomach bug and because of her frail condition became severely dehydrated and was hospitalized for several days.  After she was released, my cousins planned to send my aunt directly to the one in the midwest with basically just the clothes on her back leaving my uncle alone hundreds of miles away in the rehab place.  My aunt was beside herself, so my sister and I arranged to take her back to her home and stay with her until a better plan was in place. She has a strong community of friends helping out and we've also arranged for "companion care" for a few hours a day for her.   So now we are working on a longer-term plan for their care.
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