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[quote=Anonymous]Thanks. OP here. This is some good advice. He has an estate lawyer for trusts, but the lawyer does not manage the mutual funds. Good point about the Excel file. I just mean that right now all of the passwords are written on a few laminated papers with no line breaks--half are old or written as acronyms, so I don't know what they stand for. And I fully admit that I am not a "mathy" person. In some ways, he is right not to "trust" me with managing large sums of money. I've never had to do it, and it's scary. I did try to work with him. It just never goes well.

I do think I need to look at it like there is nothing I'm going to change about this. I just need to understand it so that if/when the time comes, when I do need to take over or at least take over to get help from someone else, I can do it. Half of it is managing to control my temper because it's really easy to start feeling like he's talking down to me, and I look around and it's like papers everywhere, house is dilapidated (but livable).

He would not be considered incompetent. He has actually always been like this. Some combo of autism and OCD. EXTREMELY smart in a lot of ways but socially and emotionally not at all. But I think all personality traits amplify with age.

Thanks. Like I said---mostly venting. I have some friends with parents who are also wealthy (probably more money than that), and they don't act like this. I am grateful that this money will---hopefully--exist for me at some point. But my parents also have no long term care plans or anything, so I know some of it may need to be used for their care--which I want! I am really sad seeing my mom live in such a run down place because my dad is nuts and won't move. But she also goes along with it. [/quote]

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