Reply to Aging Parent With Sizable Finances But Mental Health Issues

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[quote=Anonymous]I relate so much to this. After many years of this sort of thing I can tell you it got much worse and the attempts to control and abuse with money got much worse. I had to give up on the idea I might inherit any of it and figure out my boundaries. I could not take the yelling when I tried to understand finances and help them face reality or the constant threats with guilt trips and then insults. It wasn't like that early on, but it just got worse.

Regarding accepting outside help, the first step is to get a professional in there to assess need. You make it a one time thing. You stop being available. You need to get the foot in the door. These people are trained to talk to nutty stubborn elderly. Then, go from there.

As I learned from this board, you cannot save them from themselves, if they refuse, but you have to protect others from them. Do your best to help by getting an outsider. Always be willing to hire help with their money, but you have to figure out your boundaries. I did my self in emotionally and physically. It wasn't appreciated and the difficult behavior turned abusive. No amount of therapy, walks in the woods, reading in the tub or doing my nails makes that easier.

I really think there need to be more books and articles about ethical behavior and money and relationships and money. You get to do as you please with your money, but it should never be used as a way to control others or threaten. People should always matter more. I think my parents both had unhealthy relationships with money and no matter how much empathy I can have for why, they crossed a line over and over. Many times I had to say to my mom, it's your money, do as you please, but I will no longer listen to threats, attacks and insults. Her response was basically I am her slave because I might inherit...nope.  [/quote]

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