Reply to Anyone dealt with favoritism as a child or adult child? How to overcome hurt?

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[quote=Anonymous]My parents set it up like the Hunger Games with the four of us competing for time and resources.  Then they picked their favorite two and tilted the game in their favor while pretending it was fair.  They go on and on about how successful their two favorites are and how proud they are, even when they are less successful overall.

It was a giant mind f*ck for a kid who has been trying to earn their parent's praise and acceptance their whole life, only to finally be successful as an adult and then treated like you're still not good enough to be loved.  In my case the president of my university asked my parents to dinner during graduation weekend to tell my parents how impressive I was and that they should be proud. (I was getting the top award at graduation and had worked with him closely as student body president).  My father responded by telling him about how my younger brother was more impressive.  This is from a father who had refused to help pay for my college "because we have to save resources for your younger siblings" so I had found scholarships and worked three jobs all of undergrad to even attend.

It's often the gaslighting that's so mind-blowing.  It's hard to separate their label of you (the difficult one, the problem) from reality.  If parents or your siblings do something awful and unfair to you and you object, then you are the difficult one.  So then you are treated like sh*t (which everyone acts like it's totally fine and fair) and you have no option but to accept the treatment or else you're difficult and the problem in the family once again.

It would probably be easier if my siblings would acknowledge the favoritism, but they wholly deny it and are convinced that everything is and was fair  They deserve any extras they've received because they're superior humans, and I'm a less deserving human because I'm the problem.[/quote]

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