Reply to Perpetually lonely and miserable -- will I ever be happy?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Perpetually lonely and miserable -- will I ever be happy?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been lonely and isolated my entire life. I was born in an East Asian country, and my parents brought me to the US with them when I was five. My entire extended family still lives in our home country, and I'm not close to them at all since I only saw them once every few years growing up. I'm also an only child, so my loneliness was amplified throughout my childhood.

Ever since my parents and I moved to the US, we've moved to a different state once every few years. I lived in California, Texas, Illinois, New Jersey, and Georgia. This "military brat" style childhood (even though neither of my parents are in the military) made it really hard for me to have good friends growing up. As a result, I have no friends from my childhood who I still keep in touch with. I guess that's what happens when you go to three different high schools.

Making long-lasting friendships was also very difficult for me growing up since my parents really restricted any socializing I did outside of school (as is common for many Asian immigrant parents). My parents did not let me go to playdates or sleepovers as a kid since in their eyes, an hour spent with friends could be an hour spent studying or practicing my instrument or sport. My childhood was a relentless sequence of them tiger parenting me to get into an elite school.

I graduated from an Ivy this past May. I felt really out of place the entire time I was there -- my solidly middle class background (I was only able to attend my Ivy due to a significant amount of need-based financial aid) made it hard to fit in with my peers, and I found the entire college experience overtly competitive and cutthroat. Of course, having half of my sophomore year and all of my junior year at home over Zoom didn't help things either. As a result, I'm only in touch with a few friends from college, and I'm not particularly close to them. I frequently feel like my entire college experience was a waste since I never had that solid group of friends that you see in the movies (and I can't rely on my family or my childhood friends for that support system either).

I moved to DC in August to start a prestigious job in Big 3 management consulting. I took the job because of the pay and exit opportunities, but I absolutely despise it. The hours are pretty brutal (60-70 hrs/week), the work is boring and tedious, and I find it hard to relate to my coworkers. My company prides itself on having a close-knit culture, but the intense, competitive nature of my coworkers as well as their "work hard/play hard/fratty" attitudes make it hard for me to get close to them. I normally work like crazy during the week and sleep in on the weekends, waking up late on Saturdays and Sundays as if I were waking up from a catatonic daze.

I normally run errands on weekends, making it hard for me to make new friends. Additionally, the transience of DC has really been getting to me -- it's hard to invest in lifelong relationships here.

I was grabbing coffee (alone, of course) the other day and made brief eye contact with another girl my age at the cafe. It seemed like she was next to her twin sister and a couple of their friends (or maybe family members?). They were all in one big happy group, laughing and joking around. It was really obvious they loved each other and genuinely enjoyed each others' company. I started to feel resentful and jealous towards this girl -- why does she get to have a rich, fulfilling social/ family life and I don't? It felt grossly cruel. I know that's not fair to her, but I couldn't help but feel intense resentment.

Everyone always says that being 22 is the best and that I should be in the "happiest" time of my life right now. I've always felt miserable and lonely, and my depression is getting a lot worse now that I'm realizing that these feelings of misery and loneliness were not immediately going to disappear once I became a real adult.

I have tried therapy. I have tried meds (several, actually). I have tried religion. I have tried meditation and exercise. None of it seems to work. I feel like I'm perpetually doomed to be lonely, miserable, and unhappy. [/quote]

OP: Do you appreciate what you have and all that you have earned ? You have an Ivy League college degree followed by a great professional position at one of the three most prestigious management consulting firms in the world.

Any chronic health issues ? If no, then you are really doing well.

Many who work in Management Consulting return to school to earn an MBA after 3 to 5 years of working. MBA students socialize a lot. Much of the socialization is mandatory working in groups exercises.

Working at MBB can be a grueling experience--but it is also one of the great educational experience that I can get.

If you have a great education,a great job, money, and good health, why focus on the one area of your life that is not going well at this time.

You are not alone in this type of situation; it is fairly common for those working in management consulting, major law firms, and at Big 4 accounting firms.

Rest, exercise, eat healthy, and attend as many events as you can. It will all work out.

FWIW Depression meds can really mess you up. Better to engage in vigorous exercise each day & avoid alcohol & sugars.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics