Reply to What limits do you have around “I have to have this or I won’t fit in” “I’ll get made fun of”?

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Reply to "What limits do you have around “I have to have this or I won’t fit in” “I’ll get made fun of”?"

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[quote=Anonymous]In your situation, my limit is money. Agree with setting a budget and then allowing them some freedom in allocating the budget. If they want to buy a Marc Jacobs purse and then buy leggings and tees on sale at Nordstrom Rack, that's fine with me as long as the clothes aren't so disposable that they are falling apart and they need new ones immediately. Also, by teen years growing out of things is less of an issue so if they take good care of their clothes, they may not need to buy new things every year. If they want to blow their clothes budget on a brand name luxury item, I will allow it if they are willing to simply wear last year's clothes again. That's a perfectly acceptable approach to a clothing budget provided they take care of clothes well enough.

But if your kid complains that they need ALL the status items -- Docs, a specific purse, expensive makeup, high end leggings and outwear, then it's time to have a conversation about money and status and what exactly it is they need to prove. It's normal to want a consumer good that many of your friends have. And if you are sending your kid to private or to a high SES public, I think it's ridiculous to just say no to all of it -- sometimes kids want to fit in. I know what it is to be the kid who can never have any of the stuff other kids have, whether it's clothes or activities or vacations or concert tickets. It's miserable and it does impact your social opportunities. But you don't need everything to fit in. At some point you have to use your social skills and personality to make friends. If that's not happening, that's where the effort needs to go, not on acquiring luxury goods.[/quote]

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