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[quote=Anonymous]My DH's brother and SIL live in FL. My MIL & FIL bought a place within walking distance of their house for retirement. I generally have no problems with my MIL & FIL. They are good people.

Because of their location, family holiday get-togethers are defaulting to FL now due to warm weather. Historically, though they are hosting, my BIL & SIL, continue living their lives as though no one is visiting, i.e., going to social events, having friends over. Meanwhile, we have spent thousands to get to FL (on a much lower budget), as has another sibling and their family (even lower budget than us). We are able to stay at our MIL & FIL's place while they stay with a different friend. It's a much much smaller place though, and not conducive to hosting meals, activities, etc. for the entire group.

My DH complained to his parents, and this time my SIL made sure to tell me they had "cleared the calendar" for our visit.  :roll:  The entire time, she seemed resentful of hosting us, in a bad mood, refused help/support (I offered many times, and often just *did* stuff that needed to be done - like clearing a table, etc), acted like a martyr, disengaged from conversations, or when she was, she came off as judgmental (which is, I suppose, when the elitism really kicks in). MIL/FIL encouraged siblings & spouses to go out one night, and SIL & BIL created so much drama about not being able to get reservations at such a late date, and how busy everything was, that I and another sibling nearly told them to take us home and get take out instead. It just felt miserable being with them, like they were so "put upon" because we were in town.

Anyway, we offered to host last year, and then everyone backed out - SIL/BIL saying it was "too expensive." Which is ironic because they are extremely wealthy. And we have to pay to travel every.single.year. for family visits. FIL needed some surgery... yada yada. Fine.

Because MIL & FIL are there, I don't see how we can get out of going to FL, but I'd be perfectly happy not going back ever again. And I definitely want no part of them hosting us all ever again. However, it is DH's family.

Any suggestions for how to handle these trips in the future? For sure, I'm going to insist a max of 2-3 nights - but even that is hard, when we are paying thousands just to fly down. It sucks when it is clear that we are not wanted there (the MIL & FIL are the point people for these events, so we rely on them to determine when it is appropriate to come.)

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