Reply to Guests who bring food to dinner parties without checking w/host

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[quote=Anonymous]Is this a new trend? I’ve noticed that when I host a dinner party or a holiday dinner, people are showing up with not just hostess gifts, but big-deal food contributions like appetizers or desserts that are frankly annoying to work into my menu and the flow of food preparation in my kitchen. I’m not talking about a tin of cookies or a container of roasted nuts, I’m talking about unexpected appetizers that require oven time, or huge fruit platters that I now have to find a place for. On several occasions, I’ve had to stop what I was doing in the kitchen or stop enjoying my cocktail to deal with putting something in the oven, or even finding a platter or serving utensils for the unexpected food.

In one case, someone brought the ingredients for an elaborate hot alcoholic beverage that involved her asking for a burner, a Dutch oven, and tons of time to heat it up and “mull it in time for dessert.” Never mind that I already had a full bar set up, beer/wine chilled, plenty of non-alcoholic beverages, and a different special cocktail all set up. My oven and stovetop were in use, so I had to move things around and get things for her, and the whole production really soured me on the rest of the night.

I think it’s rude to show up with something that isn’t either easy for the host to set aside if they don’t want to serve it right then, or that can’t be very easily set out with no effort from the host. Another thing that ticks me off is that I’ve spoken to all my dinner party guests about food restrictions, allergies, etc., and I’ve assured everyone that the meal will be nut-free or that X, Y and Z are gluten free, for example. So now I have this mystery food to deal with and I don’t know if everyone can even eat it, and people naturally come to me with questions as the host.

Is there a polite way when issuing an invitation to let people know that I don’t want them to bring anything? If someone mentions something specific and it would work well for my guests and for the rest of the menu, I’d probably say yes. But no one asks, they just show up with essentially a chore for me.

Nothing wrong with a good potluck—I don’t host them typically, but have in the past, and there are a few “signature events” in my neighborhood that are potlucks, like block parties and longstanding holiday parties. Then, of course, it’s perfectly fine and encouraged to bring dishes of all sorts to share. [/quote]

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