Reply to what to do with teen/young adult who won't grow up

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am at wits end with my oldest daughter. She's almost 19 and refuses to get a job. We told her she has a free place to stay as long as she's in school and are paying for her classes. She registered for 12 credits last semester but dropped 5 after the drop date (so she has a W on her transcript and there was no refund). I told her the other day that she needs to get a job and her response was to tell me she hasn't needed one for 18 years and doesn't need one now. Other than food and allowing her to use our car to get back and forth to classes we don't give her anything. She has a boyfriend who buys her clothes and stuff. She contributes nothing to the household.

Everything is all or nothing with her. She'll get a job when she graduates with her veterinary degree because she doesn't want any other job besides being a vet. I seriously doubt she'll even get into vet school with her lackadaisical attitude about classes. Taking 7 credits at a time will take 9 years just to finish a bachelor's degree and vet school is VERY COMPETITIVE.

I have no idea why she's this way. She grew up watching me work full time and go to grad school (I took 6 years to get my second masters because I was working full time and had two kids). She was raised by parents with good work ethics and she's had working towards goals modeled for her yet she doesn't seem to think she should have to work. Her sister OTOH can't wait for independence. At 16 she's working and saving to buy a car and mad at us that we won't let her buy one before she's 18. It's like my kids were born on different planets. One has dug her heels in and refuses to grow up while the other is well on her way out the door at 16.

Dh is ready to kick dd#1 out. I really want her to stay in school full time and I'm willing to feed her and put a roof over her head while she's in school but I want her to get a job to take care of her own needs and start working towards independence. Unfortunately, we do not have the money to send her away to school and she doesn't have the test scores to get in most universities. She's smart but doesn't try.

Is it time to kick her out on her butt? Yes, this is the dd who moved out with her boyfriend last summer. His parents had enough of her mooching and she moved back home. Things were better for a while but it's back to same old same old. I'm furious that she's only taking 7 credits and not looking for work. A friend of the family who does temporary placements offered to place her in a job but she refused saying she wants to do it on her own but she doesn't do anything.

The boyfriend is really complicating things. We thought if we stopped buying things for her that she'd get a job but he buys things for her. He does not make enough for his own place. He lives with his parents. How do you make a little bird jump from the nest?[/quote]
Did you write the Shower Dude essay? Same style as here.[/quote]

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