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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am hoping to gain some collective wisdom regarding a spouse who can't seem to relax.

Quick background: Married 14 years, 2 elementary age children, we both work FT - he works in an office and I work at home. Our house is not large and is currently undergoing a minor renovation, so things are temporarily moved around while work is underway. Kids went back to school yesterday after a long break.

Renovation + holidays (gifts! tree! cards! boxes!) + everyone being home = cluttered, chaotic house

It's not ideal but that's life. We aren't living in filth. Our house looks like an active family lives in it. Actually, for the past 10 years our house has looked like an active family lives in it; the clutter is not exactly new. It goes away and comes back and shifts around and it's a constant battle that parents must learn to live with.

The last few days DH has been on edge and in essence blaming the kids and me for the mess. They were playing with some new toys and DH entered the room and started lecturing everyone on the need for things to have a place. We were reading a book and DH had to lecture about the incorrectness of a set of Legos in a box but not in a closet. On Christmas Day he was so anal about immediately cleaning up that instructions and receipts were tossed. He yelled at me yesterday for not cleaning the cat litter fast enough. Everything out of his mouth is a complaint about a minor mess. He sucks the joy out of the room.

I can't stand it. I told him. He said he'd "watch his tone," then literally started up again 10 minutes later as we were lying in bed. Now I have been sleeping on the sofa in the living room because I don't want to be near him and honestly I don't think he's noticed. He hasn't always been like this. And it's funny that he can go on tangents about clutter and completely ignore his contributions to the mess. I digress.

What can I say to this man to get him to (1) chill out and accept clutter because he has kids and construction; (2) stop his self-righteous lectures; (3) hire a damn cleaning service if it bothers him that much.

TL;DR - Help me, I cannot stand be around my spouse anymore because all he does is nitpick about clutter in our not-that-terrible house.

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Tell him you are happy to set aside 20-30 minutes to discuss how to tackle the clutter, but that you will absolutely not entertain one more minute of lectures or freak outs. [/quote]

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