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[quote=Anonymous]My mom died a few years ago and I get along fine with my dad but have no real emotional connection or attachment to him. He’s not awful or even bad, but just not someone I connect with. I’m curious if others have any of the following dynamics in their family.

I was very close with my mom. Dad never had a mean bone in his body but also never did much with my sibling and me growing up, like reading bedtime stories, playing games….that was all mom. He naturally puts his comfort and interests and needs before those of others. Like, he would watch a different show or movie from the one the rest of us were watching because he wasn’t interested in ours. And he never joined a board game with us because, again, he wasn’t interested.

He lives a few hours away and I talk to him on the phone a lot, but it’s often to help him with stuff because he’s pretty clueless about finances, paperwork, etc. Mom did all that too. So he’s always been kind of needy and not great at understanding how to account for others’ needs. He is outgoing and has friends, but just not good and seeing things through others’ eyes. Like he’ll call a dinner time and want to start talking about what he did that day without thinking at all about how that is a crazy time in a house with young kids. He’ll be oblivious even if he can hear craziness in the background. He’ll end a call with me telling me to “say hi” to them but is extremely superficial about them and couldn’t tell you really a thing about them. Mom adored them.

He was similar with my mom, telling her all his problems and needs but not having a true understanding or care about hers, even if he was performative about loving her.

I read so many horror stories about families of origin here and have come to appreciate my dad, because he’s never intentionally cruel or unkind. I can point to many flaws of his, but I know it could have been far worse. I feel guilty for my lack of feelings for him. [/quote]

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