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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH has a bad relationship with his parents, to the point that he has stopped being in contact with one of them. Nothing crazy has happened really; I think they just have unrealistic expectations (e.g. even though he is a full fledged adult with a family, [b]they still expect to have a greater say in his life than he tolerates. He also doesn’t want them to interfere with/influence how we raise our kids which they are offended by)[/b]. He generally doesn’t respect their opinions and isn’t afraid to tell them.

I’m afraid that if their relationship doesn’t improve, it may be something he sorely regrets. [b]What if they die and he never made up with them?[/b]

[b]Should I encourage him to find a way to go back to having a normal relationship with them?[/b] I don’t want to interfere with it (and am not in love with his parents either...) but I’m afraid he’s being short sighted.
 [/quote]

I’m glad you’ve decided to step back and let him lead the relationship with his parents. I do point out that the distance from them appears to be rooted in [u]their[/u] desire to control him and the way he lives and parents his children, despite his objections. The answer is for his parents to find a balance with him about how to be connected but not controlling and for him to find a way to resist their attempts without being distancing. None of this is easy to do.
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+1  I'm sure your heart is in the right place but, not experiencing this behavior growing up, you have no idea what it's like.  You should appreciate your DH has established boundaries and support him in maintaining then. [/quote]

This. Look, the fact is they're going to always want to control him.  A "normal" relationship is not something he's going to be able to have. I don't know how you think he can "find a way".  It would be nice if they had a good relationship, but it's out of his hands, and you pressuring him and meddling is not going to help.

What you think of as "normal" is probably way better than normal. It's normal to you because you're used to it, but for many people they're lucky if the relationship is only okay, not great.  Accept that you got lucky and he didn't, okay?[/quote]

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