Reply to BIL almost hit my 6-yr-old DD

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[quote=Anonymous]
I'll try to say this gently because you're upset and angry and very understandably feeling that "mama bear" defensiveness re: your child:

If your BIL's mental age is 3, what would be the result of someone saying "behavior like that is inappropriate, especially in front of kids"? Your disabled BIL is, like a 3-year-old, not going to take that in, particularly if it's said to him while he's in the throes of a tantrum like the one you describe.

And saying that to whichever relative is charge of his care [i]in that moment[/i] will not help the situation as it's happening, either. He got overwhelmed, he was removed (as quickly as possible in the situation, it seems, which is good).

Afterward maybe you can ask what can be done to help him not get so overwhelmed if there's a next time. Maybe the family and the regular caregiver--who might have seen this coming on and removed him sooner, maybe?-- can discuss if there are lessons like not having him at larger family events for more than a very limited time (so he doesn't get overwhelmed), or having someone with a car there be responsible for removing him if things get bad (so there's no waiting for an Uber or whatever).

I would focus instead on reassuring your own children. They will be around this relative all their lives and the family can come up with ways to talk about him that help them understand he's not an adult, though he looks like one. They may be too young to fully "get" that he doesn't control himself like their brains assume he should, based on their experience of people his age and size. Does he go to any programs for people with his disabilities? Programs that might be able to give you some resources for explaining to kids about people with his isssue? [/quote]

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