Reply to chores and cleanliness standards vs family fun

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "chores and cleanliness standards vs family fun"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First of all, recognize that it is probably about your upbringing and parents, not actual cleanliness. It won’t be solved just by not cleaning.

I had to lower my standards. I grew up in a house where I did homework, went to my activities, and cleaned. You sat only at meals and laid down when it was bedtime.

I kept those standards for many years because I had been told I was an amoral pig who would shame my family if I didn’t. The strain of keeping those standards up while sharing a house with a husband who did literally nothing finally broke me. I was literally hospitalized with a heart condition from the physical strain of keeping a full time job and maintaining a house to the standards of southern European immigrant housewives trying to prove that they aren’t “filthy immigrants”- I think there’s some intergenerational trauma from my grandparents and great-grandparents. I read my husband the riot act after my hospitalization but also had to let some things go. It’s a process. I’m staring at the quarter-round in my kitchen as I type this and telling myself I shouldn’t watch a Hallmark movie until I clean it.

Listen to A Slob Comes Clean podcast. She says some really helpful things about a perfectionist mindset and the paralysis that comes from doing everything or nothing. I’m working on the guilt and the anxiety instilled in me by my family of origin but it will take a lifetime to unwind.

Also, ignore the dust and go have fun. My mom ruined a ton of special times by waking us up at 7 am beating the vacuum against our doors or cancelling plans due to failed “inspections”.[/quote]

Goodness. Kudos to you for breaking the cycle. That’s not easy, you are amazing!

My parents were also immigrants who cleaned a lot. They came from a place where many people had household help and were used to an insane standard of cleanliness. I do remember my mom waking me up on the weekend while cleaning and yelling at us about being lazy, but it was more like 10 AM (we were always sleep deprived because there were no bedtimes, but that was another issue). [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics