Reply to 95yo Dad Not Accepting His Cognitive Decline

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm grateful for these forums and have always tried to offer help, compassion, and advice in other areas where I've had experience (parenting, college apps, relationships, divorce).  Now I'm in new territory and hoping I can get some guidance or input.

My 95yo dad has lived a long, productive, and impressive life as a lawyer, family man, father, and community leader.  His brain was always the strongest muscle in his body.  He reluctantly just stopped driving a few weeks ago. He has hearing aids but rarely wears them because he says he's fine (not even close to true).

But now his cognitive decline is significant to the point that he has a lot of trouble processing certain conversations, basic reasoning, and especially anything with numbers.  As I really pay attention to what he says and does, it's clear that he's been "covering" for a long time about the fact that he doesn't always understand what's going on in situations, conversations, or in the room in general.  He will laugh when people laugh, but I doubt he understands why people are laughing.  He says "Ok, that's fine", or "Very good" as a way to end a conversation topic he isn't tuned into.

His investment house recently required that I be added as a co-trustee because they sensed a "capacity issue" when he would call in several times a week. That was a huge wake up for us.  I am on the phone with him almost every day helping from afar with various things.

All this to say, the decline has been significant to the point that my siblings and I (who all live in different cities) are trying to get in into a senior community with step down care.  We are also in the process of executing POA and similar documents.

He is at the point where he should NOT be handling his own affairs; appointments, finances, medical visits, etc.  He has accepted our help with some things, but still insists on handling his daily finances.  Over the last 2 years this has resulted in bounced checks, HORRIBLE record keeping, and significant debt unnecessarily accrued on his HELOC.  When he calculated his income to see what new living options he could afford, the number was so far off it was shocking (he tried twice more and it got worse, so I'm doing it).  His ability to work with crucial numbers is essentially over.  This has got to be frustrating and scary for a guy who was working on projects and cases worth hundreds of millions of dollars during his career.

He does not and will not accept that he can't do this anymore.

My question:

What would you say to really get through to him and make him "turn over the keys" so to speak?  Since we all live far away, there isn't really time to gently walk him to the conclusion, and stop by weekly to help out; I came to stay for the month of December in order to take care of a bunch of things and go with him to many appointments I helped schedule, but I need to set up systems I can manage after I leave.

What's the magic phrase or way to say it so that he "gets it" with out a lot of push back?  Has anyone had a similar experience or been in a similar situation?  What did you do that finally broke through?

We love our dad and just want to help make his life easier and clean up the mess he's making.

Thanks in advance for any help or input.  
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