Reply to This is the first year in 13 years that I have completely dropped the rope with DH’s family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After a horrific blow up last spring in which I was blamed and made the scapegoat. In the summer I said to him, no more. I don’t mind seeing them but you will do 100% of the hosting and need to be home for 100% of their visit- taking off work if necessary.

Therefore, for the holidays this year we are:

Not seeing or hosting them (he never planned it)

Not exchanging adult gifts (he decided he didn’t want to do it despite me saying that for years)

Also, he was in charge of giving them all the kids gift ideas as they want specific links to things to buy for the kids and want to chose from the options. He keeps complaining about this and it’s unclear if he’s done it as of today (I have provided these links the last 13 years).

I feel so free and happier than I have been in years! Why didn’t I do this earlier?!

I will one day advise my adult daughter- do not do the work for the husbands family, make him step up and do it. You cannot win. If you do it well, no one seems to care and you have just done a ton of work. If you mess up, you’ll be criticized. None of this is good for your marriage or yourself.

[/quote]

Yeah OP!  Great job!  I am the OP who started the damned if you do... thread, and I completely agree with you.  If we (the moms) did not put forth all our effort, nothing would get done, until it becomes too much.  The husbands are not helpless, they are grown men, they can deal with their families. Now, we give the young adult cousins money (I have to remind him that they thought his amount was too cheap), and DH has to buy his parents their gifts.  He also does an annual gift for the whole family, that no matter how many times I remind him, he will order it last minute. Maybe they should remind him!

I would try so hard, and nothing would ever be good enough, so what is the point?

We barely feel welcome at the family dinners (we rotate 3 or 4 holidays per year, and are glad to host our rotation), after all we have done for the family.

Well done for you, I say! [/quote]

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