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[quote=Anonymous]OP back.  Thanks so much pps for your kind words and suggestions.  My sibling died 12 years ago in a car accident.  I guess what I've struggled with over the years is, does suffering a tragic loss of a (young adult) child mean that parents can behave however they want indefinitely?  For a long time I did give my parents a lot of leeway, as some pps suggest I should do.  But there are so many people in the world who endure terrible things in life. Can say whatever they want whenever they want to whomever they want for years on end?  It doesn't seem right to me, but maybe for some people, their grief does justify this.  I don't know.  We've all been in individual therapy and my parents would have no interest in family therapy.  They feel strongly that they are doing nothing wrong and that they are entitled to be critical as much as they wish, and that I am overreacting.  They were like this before my sibling's death and after, so I don't attribute this behavior to the loss.  It's just who they are, but it's become increasingly hard on me.  Especially because when I do distance myself--for example by calling once a week, instead of the 2-3 times a week they want--they get angry about it or hurt.

I agree that giving them a little more time to take in what I shared, which was about six weeks ago, is a good idea. And trying to keep engaging, and recognizing that I can't change them.  I'm still trying to find the right balance to protect myself and be there for them.  I really appreciate any more comments or advice!

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