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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just went to a colleague’s visitation but did not stay for the funeral. The visitation is strictly to offer condolences. Why not do that?[/quote]

This is basically what I do as well, though I will say it's much easier to do this for a friend or colleague than a family member. If you aren't family, people generally appreciate any appearance you make.

Family funerals are different and there is often a lot more obligation involved, and people are understandably emotional and not always rational or understanding about people's limitations. In my husband's family, for instance, if someone came for the visitation but did not show up for the funeral itself, it would be viewed as a personal insult and people would "lose it." It would lead to fighting and I could see someone who had a spiritual objection to the funeral just choosing to stay away altogether to avoid being yelled at for it.

Both my DH and I have specific family members who are very volatile and are always very demanding about what other people are doing (and sensitive to the idea of "respect"), and I can kind of understand a family member wanting to avoid a funeral altogether rather than risk setting one of them off by being selective about what aspects of the services they attend.

I bet part of OP's objection is spiritual but that the real sticking point is that OP has family members who are intolerant of any deviation from their expectations and this puts OP in the situation of either attending the funeral and doing it exactly as the family expects or not going at all.[/quote]

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