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[quote=Anonymous]I'm 45.  I have one 10 year old and we are one and done, not by choice (due to infertility).  I got pregnant right away at 35, easy pregnancy and delivery and then when we started TTC #2 at 37 I figured I would get pregnant right away.  After 6 months of trying with no luck I went to see an infertility clinic and was told I was completely infertile (AMH of .2 and AFC of 10 at the time).  I was told it would be very unlikely for me to get pregnant again.  Despite 4 years of IVF, a surgery, and TTC for a total of 8 years, I never got pregnant again.

I tried to make peace with being one and done, but I never could.  Therapy didn't help.  I tried to move on in other ways.  I landed my dream job, we travel a lot, and we have a pretty easy life with just one.  I have a ton of free time and have several hobbies that I'm very into.  However, I feel really sad that my only is lonely a lot, and we have had a hard time finding enough friends for him and family friends.  We have no local family either so cousins aren't really in the picture (and he only has one cousin anyway that he sees once a year).  I feel that our life feels not as full and complete as I'd like, and my family has never felt complete.

I have talked about adoption and donor egg plus surrogate with DH (I am not able to carry a donor egg because of a random medical condition that popped up for me last year that would make carrying a pregnancy too risky at this point).  He is on board with either but is neutral about it.  He works a very demanding job and is exhausted a lot and I think it would be very difficult for him to have enough energy for a baby and toddler.  I definitely have enough energy but with no local family it would be difficult (as it was the first time with no local family and a spouse who works 80 hour weeks).

Even though I'm 45 I don't feel 45.  I don't feel a lack of energy and feel perfectly able to raise another baby.  I do look really old however--I have aged terribly since the pandemic--my face just looks tired and haggard (even though I don't feel that way at all).  However I know that the average age for first time grandparents is like 48 or something so that gives me pause.

I don't know if it's peri-menopause or what (though I don't have any symptoms of peri), but I have baby fever all the time.  I get teary when I walk through a store that has baby clothes/baby items, when I imagine that I will never have the opportunity to have another child.  I don't know if adoption would even work out for us given our ages, if we would even be chosen by a birth mother (we're both 45).

What would you do?  Therapy has not helped.[/quote]

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