Reply to What sort of boundary should I set with my adult daughter?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your boundaries need to be that she resume treatment and medication. Her behavior is unacceptable.[/quote]

Boundaries have to be focused on what OP will or won't do; she can't force an adult into treatment.

[/quote]

+1, boundaries are never about forcing someone else to do something. It's just about yourself.

It's telling that OP says she doesn't want to "avoid" her daughter. This indicates that what OP would like to do is reduce contact. I think this is probably exactly what she should do. I would either reduce contact or change the nature of their interactions (shorter gatherings with fewer people in places less likely to trigger issues).

One problem extended families often run into is that they almost always interact at large family gatherings, often around holidays or other special occasions. If someone has personality issues, anxiety, etc., these are really not ideal times to get together. Everything is amped up. The more people involved, the less control any one individual has over the situation. It's very stressful.

I found that my interactions with my family improved 1000% when we stopped visiting them during holidays and started making an effort to see parts of the family separately. A weekend with my brother and his wife. A week to visit my parents, and only my parents, with lots of grandkid time. We never stay with family and we make a point of doing our own thing at least some of the time because it gives everyone a break (including us). Everything is better now. Everyone has the same issues they always had, but they don't get triggered as often and we enjoy the time we have together more often.

That is what I would recommend to OP. Change the nature of interactions to dial down the stress. Do fewer large family gatherings and more smaller groups, some incorporating your DD, some not.[/quote]

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