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[quote=Anonymous]I recently divorced my ex after a lot of physical abuse and addiction. I didn’t really want to and he wanted to stay in the marriage but it was getting unsafe. I feel pretty comfortable about this decision in my life despite never wanting it and spending several years in desperation trying to save him and the marriage and 1.5 years have gone by on my own with the kids without a lot of issues popping up. My kids are older and my ex left the state to go back to his family so he’s mostly out of the picture except a couple of visits and child support. At first meeting on the divorce my friends were sympathetic but I noticed even on the first day and then subsequent weeks that there were some weird vibes and over the past year there have been more slights. One friend started telling me all about her problems I guess to mirror some of my trauma but when I tried to help her she scolded me and told me my texts were too long and she wasn’t interested in the help but then kept dumping her issues on me just I guess to have someone tell her that she had a right to be upset about her issues. She wanted validation from me so I gave her some but it’s starting to get annoying because they are small issues that I don’t really want to be involved in and whenever I do I get scolded somehow. Then another woman started referring to “her husband” immediately after the divorce disclosure despite me knowing him more than her and for over 2 decades and doing other things to make sure I knew their marriage was strong and to not interfere. Before the four of us were friends together and we have kids still who get together all the time so it’s awkward. She also tries to parent me a lot now telling me how things should be or are from her point of view and starting to talk derogatorily as if I’m a loser station than her now. It feels very uneven. I’m trying to decide if this is a phase for these friendships and somehow I can turn these friendships back to what they were, if I’m overreacting to their slights and should just ride it out, or if these relationships have turned abusive and won’t right themselves. Right now I just want a break from them. My mom is a widow and gets help from lots of people so maybe I’m just doing this wrong somehow and giving off weird vibes although if that were the case why an issue from the start? I don’t want to be used as a sympathy pillow or someone’s child or the potential whore down the street. Any tips on how to break this cycle with married friends?[/quote]

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